I grew up in a small town in Wales. After graduating from a culinary and business school in Europe I had a variety of jobs including owning a bistro in Europe.
The second chapter of my life started as a personal chef in America. On this side of the pond I explored my other passions (writing and fashion) and had the opportunity to work in both of these fields.
You will see my love of food, and fashion reflected on these pages. I am as passionate about a curry as I am about a hounds-tooth checked jacket!
At the age of 62, I decided to make a list of goals, a bucket list for my 65th birthday. Three years would give me plenty of time to save and think about it. Yep, I am a planner and a plodder!
There was no shortage of ideas; the only restrictions seemed to be time, money, and desire. An ‘around the world trip’ was not only out of my budget, but too time consuming and a little overwhelming. Jumping out of a plane to get over my fear of heights held no interest and I finally gave up the idea of learning Spanish after six unsuccessful attempts.
The elimination process, I discovered, was simpler than creating the list.
Finally I came up with a list of things that I wanted to experience and accomplish in the next five years.
Visiting Paris again (I had last been there in my 20’s) made the cut; as did hiking Offa’s Dyke in Wales, a World heritage site with 175 miles of spectacular hiking trails; and finally getting over my fear of water and learning to swim also was a front runner.
But there was one problem: these goals were all dependent on dealing with an issue that I didn’t want to deal with. One that didn’t have the fun, sexiness or excitement of any other goals, which meant it kept on being pushed to the bottom of the list.
Eventually it became impossible to ignore.
Decades of yo-yo dieting had left me fat, fed up and at war with my body. It affected so many areas of my life, leaving a veil of sadness and anxiety.
I remembered all the parties and weddings where I had agonized over the outfit to wear.
I remembered the trip back to my home town in Europe where I avoided friends, not wanting them to see this large woman in a body I hated.
I remembered the jobs I didn’t go after, in case they rejected the fat me.
Most of all I remembered the shame and disgust with myself.
How would these new plans work with this body and this attitude?
What would I wear to Paris and would the fear of being fat shamed when I got on the plane cause too much anxiety?
Could I really walk the 175 mile trail of Offa’s Dyke? When I hiked now, the top of my legs chaffed after a couple of miles and my knees hurt?
Could I learn to swim when the sight of me in a bathing suit reduced me to tears?
Every thing on my list was affected by my weight.
Just following one more diet seemed pointless. This was so much more than about losing weight.
How could I find a new way…not a new diet, but a new approach to this?
My number one goal, after months of exploration, became clear: I wanted to make peace with my body and to have a healthy relationship with food.
For 6 months I read a plethora of books, blogs and magazines on the subject, watched endless ‘You Tube’ stories and documentaries, and listened to advice from dieters and podcasts. I saturated myself in this subject.
Along with this external research I studied myself: examining my eating patterns and observing my emotional triggers and my self talk around hunger and eating.
This was the missing piece: I needed to go on a internal growth journey.
This time I was determined to take a very different approach. No more dieting!
To succeed I had to become a Dieter in Recovery.
I found a path, one which worked for me, for my lifestyle and my needs. A custom made one, a Bespoke Health and Wellness plan.
On my 65th birthday in 2019 I reached my number one goal and it turned my life around, changing it in more ways than I could imagine.
This is my story on how I transformed my relationship to food and my body and to myself.
I hope it inspires you to use some of this information, to create your own plan and change your life.
It is so worth doing, You are worth it!