According to Food Addicts Anonymous Symptoms of food addiction include
- Overeating (bingeing or grazing)
- Purging (bulimia)
- Undereating
- Obesity (and related problems such as diabetes, heart disease, and sleep apnea)
- Compulsive exercise and dieting
- Obsession with food or weight
- Depression, shame, isolation, and hopelessness related to food, weight, or body image.
Even though I ticked the top 1 and the bottom 2, I still did not see myself as having an issue.
Grazing and bingeing (number 1) seemed normal, when you love food, who could resist? Obsession with my body and food became a part of my world as a woman. And of course I had shame and depression around my body…didn’t everyone?
Surely I could beat this, get my weight under control? If only I was not so weak willed, spineless and undisciplined. Yes, it was a dark hole and memories of my school report cards (could do better if she tried harder) came flashing back.
I continued with this mindset and this behavior for decades, until the pain of doing it became too much. Standing at the water cooler and having one more boring and obsessive conversation about weight no longer held any appeal. I had bored myself and my husband for too long, and paid the price. Something had to shift.
When I gave up dieting, everything shifted. I couldn’t hide behind the rules of diets. The freedom from the restrictions and the deprivation gave me permission to examine, without judgement, my relationship with food and my body. This observation gave me the insight to change.
Taking away the obsession with food and all the compulsive dieting and I finally found a place to breathe. And when you are breathing without panic and fear it is amazing. Scary at first, but gradually the wobbling takes on more stability and you walk confidently into your life.
Admitting your relationship with food and your body is challenging is the first step. Once I surrendered to trusting myself, the pressure changed. With tools to help me (mindfulness, loving kindness and gratitude) I found the path to wellness.
Years of dieting were hard and painful, giving up diets changed my life. But first must come the awareness that you have a problem, other than thinking it is about the number of the scale.
The more disordered our eating becomes, the closer we get to an eating disorder.
When I took that first step I had no idea how much happiness had been waiting for me. Ready to claim yours?
Thanks for reading,
Christina