Whenever I lost weight (Before ‘Dieter in Recovery’ days) I begged for people to notice my weight loss. I shouted it out. The accolades over my accomplishment had to be noticed? I had done it, become a super dieter and today in our thin obsessed world that warrants a drum roll. Or does it?
For decades it had been my measure for success.
Until I unraveled the myth: the perfect body could never be achieved when I followed the path of diet culture. The pressure to take off more weight is always there, along with ‘keeping it off’. Life time dieters know that ‘maintenance’ is like living in an abusive relationship; the fear of the old destructive behaviors returning and the weight piling back on never leaves you.
Anxiety thrives on this pressure, along with its buddies….. shame and self flagellation. Would I be strong enough to hold back the pounds waiting to attach themselves to my body?
History had convinced me I couldn’t do it. The weight would inevitably return.
Living in fear is not a happy place.
My success now is not measured by weight loss but by the accomplishment of finally developing a peaceful relationship with food and my body. I trust myself. I trusted finding my set point. One which had nothing to do with a number dictated by a doctor or a weight club or any other external measurement.
It is where I enjoy normal eating, not disordered eating.
We live in a culture that reveres weight loss. It has skewed our thinking.
Let’s celebrate the accomplishments of a celebrity, not the story of their weight loss. And let’s not accept the shaming of body sizes that don’t hold to a designated size decided by the media.
My journey made me sensitive to body scrutiny and I stopped defining body perfection according to a number on the scale. I stopped looking at other peoples bodies and judging them. I stopped asking people if they had lost weight; it is intrusive and not everyone who loses weight has done it intentionally. People lose weight through medical conditions or for any number of reasons.
When I stopped judging and scrutinizing my body, I no longer did it to other people. It is a practice worth doing, as the payoff is huge. The world, your world, becomes kinder and gentler. We see people for their gifts, their talents, their energy and their spirit.
The longer I traveled on this path, the less I wanted people to comment on my weight loss. Getting to a place of peace with food and your body is not about the number on the scales. The more we recognize this, the less shaming we do.
My journey became a private one. No weekly announcements of how much I had lost (or not lost or gained). When I took everything to a quiet internal place, the magic of change happened. I stamped my own validation card and it had nothing to do with the scales.
My body, my story and my choice. I am celebrating that!
Thanks for reading,
Christina