How many of us sit at a table to eat a meal?

How often do we eat in our car or quickly wolf down food as we multi-task?

Do you race through a meal and start cleaning up before your guests/family have finished their meal?

Eating, for many, has become a functional task, without joy. I included myself in that category. Years of restrictions and deprivation through dieting had changed my relationship with food. Labeling it ‘good’ or ‘bad’ brought little pleasure to the table. I yearned for those wonderful long dinner parties where nobody mentioned calories or engaged in silly diet chatter.

As a Dieter in Recovery I sit down and pay attention to my food. Turns out that I don’t really care for pizza and pasta, loved the cheese and the toppings, but the rest… just not my cup of tea.

Why I wonder did I shovel in food I didn’t enjoy? Once I took my time and noticed the taste and the texture and the feelings in my stomach during and after the meal, the joy of eating returned.

Growing up in Europe meals were lengthy affairs, where the dishes were savored and lovingly presented. Why not make every day special and use the good china!

I made changes:

1. I sit at my table for most meals and leave the phone on my desk.

2. I take a moment of gratitude to acknowledge the bounty and beauty of my meal. After running a food program for homeless adults I know it is a privilege to eat when you feel hungry and to be able to go to a farmers market.

3. My table has a lovely cloth on it and I always use my Blue Willow plates. Yes, my best china! 30 years ago when my husband came to Europe with me he saw these plates at a market and lugged a complete set back with him. It feels special at every meal!

4. As a visual person I want my food to be presented in a way that is appealing, adding another layer to the enjoyment of the meal. Even if it is a take away, I want it served on a plate.

5. Every one can take a part in the meal. My husband doesn’t like to cook, but he does the shopping and washing up and I do the rest. Together we are creating a experience.

The more we embrace the whole meal experience, the less fear and angst we have around food. Sitting on the sofa shoveling in potato chips and mindlessly eating is taking away the joy. We miss not only the pleasure, but the cues for satiety which is why we overeat.

Zen teacher THICH NHAT HANH tells us in his book to ‘Chew your food, not the worries’. It is a simple reminder to be present to what is in your mouth, not in your head.

And bring out the good china! You are so worth it.

Thanks for reading,

Christina

Is your mind full of thoughts? Of course it is, we are constantly thinking, observing, commenting. It is a normal practice, but what you think and say, and what you do with those thoughts, is important. According To Eckhart Tolle we dwell more on negative thoughts than positive ones. But the first step, he says, to changing anything is awareness.

This negative dialogue for dieters is always there. My mind spent decades involved with my food and body journey, mulling over all the failures. The judgement led to the cycle of negative self talk and the constant self flagellation.The lack of Kindness made it impossible to be happy with my body and food. This constant abuse took its toil. After the initial awareness and the shock of how prevalent and abundant the abuse had became, I was ready to make a change.

This cluttered mind has many layers.

Jon Kabat-Zin, who many credit as introducing Mindfulness to the West, describes it as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment and nonjudgementally”

It is ‘without judgement’ that proves to be the challenge. Years of judging, criticizing and making these thoughts in to dramas is a hard pattern to change.

Acknowledging that these thoughts are just thoughts, they are not real, is a key component. If you see it as fiction, one big drama, it becomes easier to let them go. Trying to beat them to death and berating yourself will not help. You can’t slap yourself in to shape!! It is the non judgement of them that is essential.

When those thoughts come up now, I shift to my breath and observe that.

Eckhart Tolle suggests you switch your mind to your body, focus on the body parts and the sensations in each of them.

Meditation will help calm the busy mind. I often do a 5 minute meditation when I am in a situation of stress.

Distracting the mind by exercise or simple play time with children or doing child like play time such as coloring and doodling is another technique.

The awareness, the lack of judgement and bringing yourself back to the present moment brings the change.

Sometimes I say ‘Thinking, thinking” when my mind is on a spinning cycle. That jolts me back to the present.

Journal-ling every morning is another way of emptying the clutter before the day starts.

Loving Kindness Mettas will also take my mind to a different place when I feel anxious and have a lot of chatter going on. Many times as I walked from the car park to work I would repeat “May I be at ease, May I be at peace”. It stops me going down the hole of hopelessness and helplessness where everything is a catastrophe.

Practice. Practice. Nothing happens overnight whether it is the physical journey of change or the mental one.

According to Eckhart ” we are trapped in and by your thoughts”.

Training your mind not to get caught up in them is key to your journey to wellness.

The freedom from mind clutter releases the inner hoarder. You get to experience life without being bogged down by all this worthless junk. At the same time as I started on this journey I de cluttered my external space. This had a big connection to my internal journey.

The freedom from clutter opens up a whole new space in your life.

Ready for more room to live your beautiful life?

Thanks for reading,

Christina

According to Food Addicts Anonymous Symptoms of food addiction include

• Overeating (bingeing or grazing)
• Purging (bulimia)
• Undereating
• Obesity (and related problems such as diabetes, heart disease, and sleep apnea)
• Compulsive exercise and dieting
• Obsession with food or weight
• Depression, shame, isolation, and hopelessness related to food, weight, or body image.

Even though I ticked the top 1 and the bottom 2, I still did not see myself as having an issue.

Grazing and bingeing (number 1) seemed normal, when you love food, who could resist? Obsession with my body and food became a part of my world as a woman. And of course I had shame and depression around my body…didn’t everyone?

Surely I could beat this, get my weight under control? If only I was not so weak willed, spineless and undisciplined. Yes, it was a dark hole and memories of my school report cards (could do better if she tried harder) came flashing back.

I continued with this mindset and this behavior for decades, until the pain of doing it became too much. Standing at the water cooler and having one more boring and obsessive conversation about weight no longer held any appeal. I had bored myself and my husband for too long, and paid the price. Something had to shift.

When I gave up dieting, everything shifted. I couldn’t hide behind the rules of diets. The freedom from the restrictions and the deprivation gave me permission to examine, without judgement, my relationship with food and my body. This observation gave me the insight to change.

Taking away the obsession with food and all the compulsive dieting and I finally found a place to breathe. And when you are breathing without panic and fear it is amazing. Scary at first, but gradually the wobbling takes on more stability and you walk confidently into your life.

Admitting your relationship with food and your body is challenging is the first step. Once I surrendered to trusting myself, the pressure changed. With tools to help me (mindfulness, loving kindness and gratitude) I found the path to wellness.

Years of dieting were hard and painful, giving up diets changed my life. But first must come the awareness that you have a problem, other than thinking it is about the number of the scale.

The more disordered our eating becomes, the closer we get to an eating disorder.

When I took that first step I had no idea how much happiness had been waiting for me. Ready to claim yours?

Thanks for reading,

Christina

These often come from foods with the ‘bliss factor’ a formula designed by food scientists. They are packed with salt, sugar and fat.

The diet mentality insists we need willpower around these foods. We beat ourselves up for not being able to control our eating and bring on the shame of being weak willed, lazy and stupid and vow to eliminate them from our diet. Instead of depriving yourself, try a new way.

I love french fries. In diet times I would shovel them in quickly , ashamed and full of regret. Now, I go to one of my favorite places, sit down and order the best fries and savor every bite.

I eat them mindfully (as I do all foods) because a couple of things happen with these trigger foods.

1. Our cues for hunger are challenged, as we can’t distinguish between hunger and cravings. The physical changes that occur from these is very real and they do create a chemical craving.

2. It is hard to eat real foods if you eat too many of these, as everything will taste bland.

Reducing these foods gives you a chance to rest and cleanse your palate and to appreciate the subtle flavor.

Zen Master THICH NHAT HANH says ‘when you eat with mindfulness, you consume deliciously”.

Whatever your trigger food is, decide how to enjoy it. Hiding in the garage and shoveling in cookies won’t work and neither will eating in your car racing through traffic. Sitting in a park with a delicious cookie from your local bakery or enjoying a pastry in a coffee shop with a friend are both better alternatives.

Is the craving a real desire for that food, or is it to fill an emotional gap?

Feed the soul and the belly will take care of itself!

Check if anything else is creating the craving. A lack of sleep can cause a sugar rush to bolster our energy. Some fruit or a quick walk is a better alternative. Other cravings can be related to other physical issues such as a calcium, magnesium or omega deficiency… all detectable with a blood test.

Information is key, as it gives you the opportunity to change things.

Craving something is fine, except when it takes you away from a path of wellness.

Thanks for reading,

Christina

Do you have a list of the things you will do when you are thinner? The ways your life would be better?

Because I am betting that you do.

I spent decades being afraid; of not doing things, in case I got judged for being the wrong size. Who would do that? My self shaming voice had a whole list of imaginary people waiting in the wings to criticize me. But the reality is, when I lost weight, a lot of people never noticed. And the reality (yes, there were many reality checks) people who love me don’t care about the size of my waist!!

When I started claiming me, as a person not as a body, it changed. The more I defined me, the less I struggled with food and my body. It is about walking in to the person you want to become with small consistent steps.

I wanted to have a stronger body and I started doing that with a 10 minute walk. Now I walk every day, do strength training and I am learning to swim.

How many of us live in clothes, not because we like them, but because we think they make parts of our body look thinner or cover up something? I stopped wearing a uniform of baggy tops with leggings. I wear only clothes that give me joy and are an expression of me. Gradually my style emerged.

Yes, I know we live in a fat shaming culture, but go forward. The best way to stop bullies is to let them know they have no power over you.

Get rid of that imaginary sign that says “Only thin girls get to…..”

In her book ‘on eating’ Susie Orbach advises you to “practice those neglected parts of you that you’ve always put on hold until you become thin”.

What could you do now to get towards that goal?

What is you want?

Make a list of all the things you are denying yourself because of your weight. Examine, be mindful and take action.

Again, bring in that loving kindness practice to help you with this. Only when I stopped the self flagellation, did I see the possibilities for my life.

It takes practice. You may not feel ready to wear the red dress yet, but start with red shoes or a scarf. Want a job change, or more job power, do one simple step such as finding a mentor.

Move forward and as you shed the old idea of you, you will shed the relationship you have with food and your body.

Susie Orbach encourages you ‘to get know the parts of you waiting in the wings”

Go ahead and step on the center stage.

You are so worth it.

Thanks for reading,

Christina

How do you decide what it is?

A BMI chart shows us our weight range, and endless ideals are thrust at us on social media.

And there is our own definition. For years I had a set number in my head (the same one I had at 20 years old) and I held on to this. Never once did I wonder if I could ever find a different number. Even after I had a child and even after I entered my sixties. My body could change, but not my mindset.

Getting to this number was where everything would be OK, where my life would be perfect.

What if I gave up the pursuit of a number?

When I became a Dieter in Recovery I did that, I gave up the idea of a goal weight. It was scary, as I had always operated this way. Without it, would I spiral out of control?

After a few months of doing this, I realized I had been ‘out of control’ for decades, going from one diet to another, weight cycling, binging. I had made food the enemy and I hated my body. What made me think I had anything ‘under control’.

‘Letting go’ became a big part of the process. Letting go of the obsession, the fear, the shame, the self flagellation, the attachment to a number… all of this had to go, if I wanted a different outcome.

Now if you have been reading my blog, you know this took an awareness and a practice of Mindfulness, Loving Kindness, Gratitude and Shame Resilience (that is my tool box for Wellness).

This time I celebrated not a number on the scale but when my relationship to food and my body became kinder and easier. The times when instead of eating, I paused and asked “What do you need now, because I know you are not hungry, what is really eating at you?”. “Would it help to talk to someone, do I need company, do I need a hug, what could I do instead?” And if that hunger persisted I would make an agreement to eat fruit and veggies until this ‘hungry’ subsides”.

The amazing thing, like anything you practice, you get better at it! And very soon you get a reply to your question, as you stand at the fridge ready to binge eat. “Oh really, yeah that was uncomfortable in work when…. happened” and the inner dialogue continues and you find the pain gets better.

But you can’t bypass that pain and the nasty uncomfortable stuff.. Sometimes you need professional help.

As you focus on the inner journey the external view of self changes. Wellness is about your mental health and it shifts when you shift your focus to a kinder and more loving relationship.

My ideal weight is where I know I have ticked off my boxes for wellness, according to me.

When talking about her workout routine Lizzo, the multi talented dancer, singer,musician, businesswoman says it best ” I’m not working out to have your ideal body type. I’m working out to have my ideal body type”.

Claim your right to have your own body and it all falls in to place.

It’s a magical journey.

Thanks for reading,

Christina

And the winner is….

To understand the difference, Kristin Neff, researcher and author, explains ” Self compassion provides the same benefits as high self esteem without its drawbacks”.

As a Brit who grew up in a self deprecating culture, the rise of self promotion in the USA in the nineties did not jar well. I found it hard to listen to people list off their accomplishments, in a way that my upbringing labelled as bragging. As a young woman growing up in the fifties I had been encouraged to be demure and less forthcoming. Any self declaration of achievements seemed to be more of a male trait, a birth right, an entitlement.

When the emphasis on raising self esteem amongst kids seemed to hit its peak, I had a cultural, class and gender resistance to using it as a parenting tool with my son. I could not get my head around the need for self promotion as it seemed to encourage unhealthy competition and judgement amongst parents and kids. I liked humility, I learn more about a person through genuine connection rather than having their accomplishments thrust at me like a resume.

My husband and I encouraged our son to practice Self Compassion to himself and others. A big part of that focused on his mental health, which during the teenage years is easy to overlook, when the focus on grades, being popular and ‘getting ahead’ dominates.

When I read Dr Neff’s book on Self Compassion I knew why I had experienced resistance. Self esteem, she explains, is about the external traits of accomplishment, and it has a down side of narcissism, self absorption, self righteous anger, prejudice and discrimination. And these are not all the traps, according to the author.

Goal setting is a big part of self esteem. And this sets us up for low self esteem and self criticism when a goal is not met.

This is how diet plans are set up and why they fail.

How do we change this?

Take the goal away. The goal mentality say ‘I will lose 20 pounds by my school reunion” but change it to an intention and it becomes “I am going on my journey of wellness and will take actions to support that”.

Phew! I already feel lighter and don’t feel the fear and pressure that the first goal produced.

“I am going on a journey of wellness”… what does that mean?

Healing my relationship with food and my body became my path to wellness.

Shame will knock you down every time and have you running for those cookies. The only way to keep it at bay is to have a practice. This is where my work came in, I immersed myself in a world of Shame Resilience and Self Compassion.

After the strongest most pugilistic opponent left the arena (yep, that was me) the journey became so easy. When I am good to myself, no can knock me down.

I didn’t feel better because of the number on the scale, I felt better because of the journey I took and continue to walk every day.

Self compassion is a process. Not a quick fix and not a goal, but a journey.. for life. I learned it through listening to a wide variety of teachers and practicing it through meditation and my daily writing practice. A therapist can also help with this process.

Self esteem can shift when we gain weight or fall off that pedestal we have been placed because of our accomplishments. But Self Compassion never waivers, never changes whatever our circumstances. An unconditional love. Don’t we all need that?

You are so worth it!
Thanks for reading,

Christina

In our early years family shaped our viewpoints and opinions. They were our original influencers.

Now social media has taken on that role.

We are bombarded with messages about bodies and lifestyles. But does this help us on our journey of Wellness?

Or does it keep us in diet world, where we can never be thin enough?

Early on in my journey I stopped looking at the diet shows and the influencers who promoted lifestyles I did not value and focused only on body images.

I follow people who make a difference by living an examined life, a life of reflection, a life of kindness and gentleness. I want role models who engage me through their passion and desire to make the world a better place. And that does not always have to be in the ‘I vision world peace’ way, but simply by creating something with their unique perspective. From a woman like Iris Apfel, who makes me smile with her extraordinary gift for style (unique, uninhibited and fun) and her love of life, to the poet Amanda Gorman, who shapes the world through her words.

They inspire me to live a fuller and more creative life. They also keep me on my path of self compassion, essential for a Dieter in Recovery.

But the stories that lock women in to thin obsessed bodies. The stories that follow a path of fat shaming and narrow the world of wellness. The images of the role of women as appendages, trophies and body parts. Not reading that!

By reading, watching or ‘following’ I am voting to keep the diet industry and all the other ways we give up our power, in place.

“We remain enshrined in hourglass, whisper thin ideals perpetuated not only by the media, but by our own acquiescence”

Sarah Hays Coomer, author of Physical Disobedience

The stronger you are in your decisions about your life the less vulnerable you are to external forces. Make an examined choice about the people you ‘follow’. Do they elevate the values you have, or want in your life? Be clear before you open that door.

I can’t be kind to myself if I am watching TV that bashes people. If I want to walk a path of compassion for myself I have to walk it with others.

Make a list of the values you seek in an influencer. Would you have them as a friend? Would you feel safe with them? Do you judge yourself and your lifestyle after viewing them?

We always have a choice, it is a click away.

“There is always light if we are brave enough to see it, if only we are brave enough to be it” Amanda Gorman

Thanks for reading,

Christina

When I was a kid, like every kid, who went on a road trip, I would ask “are we nearly there?”

If it wasn’t me asking, it would be one of my siblings. To quell these questions my parents distracted us with games, songs, food and lots of laughter. Sometimes the destination seemed anticlimactic as we all scrambled out of the big green diesel van.

For the last few decades I asked constantly if I was ‘nearly there’. I had locked myself in to a diet journey. The destination became my focus, and even when I thought I was there, I wasn’t. Either me or someone else was telling me I could do better, be thinner, be fitter, be someone else.

When I went on a new journey to wellness and took a different path I tried my parents approach.

1. Plan well for success. My mother had organization down, nothing happens without some preparation. I have many tools of organization and meal prep that help me.
2. Make the journey pleasant, and be kind. This is crucial to your success. Most of the diets I had been on were unpleasant because of deprivation and the shame and self flagellation. This time I brought in a practice of Loving Kindness to help with that.
3. Enjoy the ride. Laugh and do all the good self care things to make it fun.
4. Bring on the great food. My mother’s treats for the journey were marvelous and we feasted on homemade savory pies and her best cakes. I am only eating food I love now…. no more of the ‘should or must eat’ foods.
5. Share the journey with people you love and who support you. You know who they are, they are ones who see the real you, often even before you discovered her.
6. There is no real ending, it is just another part of the journey. Take a mind shift and put on new glasses. When I became a Dieter in Recovery I gave up the idea of there being a destination. Instead, I imagined I was on a continuous round the world trip, full of discovery and adventure.

Being on the journey keeps you in the moment but focusing on the destination keeps you in the future.

Robert Holden, founder of The Happiness Project reminds us of that.

“Beware of destination addiction… until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are”

I choose to be here now, fully present. It is a lovely place.

Thanks for reading.

Christina

“A breakthrough happens when you make a new choice” Tony Robbins

Sometimes we do things without any thought behind them. Even that automatic behavior is a choice: to not be aware of the moment.

Why aren’t you present in every aspect of your life?

My breakthrough moment came when I made the choice NOT to go on another diet. It freed me to explore a new path.

I could keep on going on diets and repeating this cycle or find a new way.

Whenever I come across challenges on this journey, I stop and ask “what, in this moment, can I do, to keep me on this journey of Wellness?”.

Pausing and reflecting, instead of reacting, calms me and opens up the possibilities.

If you take charge of your choices, it is so much easier to say no to others and yes to the life you want to lead.

A choice isn’t always an action plan or something that will give you instant gratification. Sometimes it is about sitting with the discomfort and surrendering to it.

I Choose to stay on a path of emotional, spiritual and physical wellness and all my decisions have to align with that lifestyle. It is my choice!

What choice are you going to make today?

Thanks for reading.

Christina